A Poem

This is one I wrote immediately upon awakening in the middle of the night a few days ago. I had actually forgotten about it until I stumbled across it today.

[UNTITLED]

Through eyes of wonder, life begins,

As we look in amazement at all,

Learning and loving, living and laughing,

Blind to our imminent fall.

Through eyes of madness, we grope and grow,

As we struggle to make sense of it all,

The how and the why, we live, and we die,

Our proud walk quickly slows to a crawl.

Through eyes of sadness, our day winds down,

As we look towards the now setting sun,

And now, win or lose, in this path we did choose,

It’s too late, for our race is run.


©2020 Brian Johnson

I can’t get the formatting the way I want it to save my life. My apologies.

Dealing with Cancer

Having cancer is bad enough. The fatigue, weakness, sickness, and just plain feeling bad all suck. I will readily admit, however, that the side effects I have experienced are not even close to what others are forced to endure.

But honestly, at least to me, the worst part of having cancer is not what happens to me, but rather watching my family and friends have to deal with it. It crushes me to see the stress and hardship it puts on them.

Unfortunately, there’s not a lot that I can do about it. Forgive me for rambling, it’s just what has been on my mind lately.

Enjoy every minute, because you can’t buy one second back for all the money in the world.

You Can Either Laugh or Cry

My sense of humor is not always appreciated.

I found out in September that I have stage 4 cancer. I’m only 49 years old and go to the doctor regularly, so it hit me pretty hard. Sure, I was a basket case for a few days, but once the initial shock wore off, I chose to fight until there’s no fight left. You know, “If you’re gonna die, die with your boots on.”

I know the odds aren’t great in my situation, but by God’s grace, I intend to beat this. Even so, the fact still remains that 1 out of 1 people die, so we all face death eventually, cancer or no cancer. Something is going to take each one of us out of here.

I tend to joke around about death and dying (my own, not the death of others) more now. It’s how I cope. People don’t tend to appreciate that very much. I have to watch myself around people sometimes because of that. A few people get it, but most don’t.

I look at it like this: if you parachute out of an airplane and the chute fails, then the backup fails, there’s a good chance the end of the ride is not gonna be pleasant. You can either scream, cry, and dread the sudden stop, or try to enjoy the wind in your face, the rush of the ride, and the scenery along the way. No matter how you handle it, the outcome is largely out of your hands.

You can either laugh or cry, and I choose to laugh.

Happy Thanksgiving. Make it a great one.

Someone Needs a Hug

I have noticed that the single biggest complaint I’ve been hearing about marriage relationships lately is a lack of affection. Not a lack of money, not a lack of sex, but a lack of affection. Simple stuff like holding hands or just touching each other.

Oddly enough, most have also said that when they mention the subject, their significant other immediately assumes they are talking about sex.

It seems everyone is too busy talking to listen.

I Have Thrown Away My Life

Here is a quote I have seen attributed to Robert Dale Owen on several occasions. I am neither endorsing nor condemning the man and his views, I just like the quote.

“I committed one fatal error in my youth, and dearly have I bewailed it; I started in life without an object, even without an ambition. Had I created for myself a definite purpose-literary, artistic, scientific, social, there would have been something to labour for, and to overcome. But the power is gone. I have thrown away a life. I am an unhappy man.”

Emptiness

Nothing in my past,
My future mirroring those days,
Always lonely, though never alone,
Both master and the slave.

Ashes alone, those days now gone-
No memories remain.
I hear the songs of others-
Yet I have none to sing.

No light on the horizon-
No stars in the nighttime sky.
No echoes of my past to hear-
No will to live or die.

Relying on the words of others,
As they tell their former glories-
Unknown tales of unknown times,
Unknown player in an unlived story.

A world unsearched, a life undone-
Years spent and nothing gained.
Uncertain of the how and why-
But emptiness remains.
(C) 2018 BJ